I am not a patient person. I don’t like waiting for things, working for things, learning things. Even before the era of instant gratification I demanded instant gratification.
When I was learning to tie my shoes I threw a fit, stormed out of the room, and declared I’d wear velcro for the rest of my life. (I eventually learned to tie my shoes.)
When I was learning to ride a bike, I gave up and said I’d just not ride a bike. Who needed a bike. (I eventually learned to ride a bike.)
When I was learning to drive, I made a stupid mistake. Nobody was hurt, and maybe one person beeped at me. It was small. Stupid. When I pulled into the driveway I burst into tears and said I didn’t need to drive if I had friends who could drive. (Okay, so it took me six years to finally get my license, but that is for a totally different reason.)
On top of this impatience is a need to get things right. I want it to happen now, and I want it to be perfect. I had trouble with math so I gave up on math and subsequently had even more trouble with math. I had trouble with science so I gave up on science and subsequently had even more trouble with science. Because that’s how things work. You have to keep trying. But I’d rather fail spectacularly than pass only…mediocrely. (Is that a word? I’m too impatient to read all the links debating it.)
When I finally did take my driver’s test, I hit the curb during the parallel parking, so I hit the curb three more times just to fail the test. Fail spectacularly.
I am currently waiting on multiple things and I can’t really talk about any of them. They are taking forever. While I’m waiting I am going over all the ways I could have made a mistake and it takes everything I have not to go back to all the people holding the things I’m waiting on and say, “wait! wait. Let me try again. I’ll get it right.” Because if they don’t respond positively immediately, I obviously did something wrong and if I take it back then the waiting is in my control. By which I mean, I won’t be waiting at all. See, if you try nothing you are never waiting and this is the motto by which I live my life. Except for right now. When I’m waiting on literally everything.
Anyway, the point of this, is that waiting is the worst and I want it now and basically I am a hero.