Thing I Love Right Now That I Will Probably Not Love Next Week Because I’m Fickle

The title of my last post was an accident. I did not intend to reference the brilliant Broadway show “Oh, Hello,” which is now on Netflix for the viewing pleasure of the teeming masses who could not make their way to New York in the winter. Because who wants to go to NY in the winter, it’s so cold. I’ve canceled on a friend who lived there so many times because I didn’t want to walk through snow because I am very selfish and also sort of the worst. It’s fine, I saw her this year in April when it didn’t snow and it was lovely and also she no longer lives in the city. That is a lot of information irrelevant to the topic.

“Oh, Hello” is very funny. That is my review. Now I am a theater critic. Can I make money for that? I need some side cash to climb out of the debt that is like 70% my fault because I just liking getting on planes too much. Also I apparently liked getting an education, because that makes up 90% of my debt and you guys, I barely even made it through. That would have been so much money to pay back for failing out like I almost did because I didn’t go to class when it rained. Or when it was sunny. Or when it was Tuesday. Basically ever is what I’m saying. Also I’m saying I need money. I’ll review the shit out of anything. I am clearly very amazing at it.

I just remembered that I am also paying back loans for my graduate program and while I did not fail, I still have not graduated, seven years after I started. I have to word that very carefully in resumes and letters for jobs that do not require an MFA in creative writing. Because no jobs require an MFA in creative writing. Not even creative writing.

Back to “Oh, Hello,” which is very funny. The guest for the filming was Steve Martin and I love him. He and Martin Short are my old dude crushes BUT it turns out that I did not even know I have a crush on Nick Kroll. But is it Nick Kroll as a 75-year-old man or Nick Kroll as a younger, attractive man. Impossible to tell. We may never know.

I’m not saying that I’ve watched it more than once, but….I’ve watched it more than once. Which I already said on Twitter. But that is because Bojack Horseman isn’t back yet and G.L.O.W. doesn’t start until Friday and I am NOT going to shut up about G.L.O.W. and I cannot understand why nobody else seems to be as excited as I am. My cousin and I would beg to stay up late and watch it. I had glasses for my Barbies and used them to re-enact some of the matches with Zelda the Brain. She was my favorite. I’ve always loved glasses. And they RAP. If there is no rapping in this show then there is no point to anything. I mean I’ll probably still love it, but the terrible rapping is 75% of the appeal. All of my percentages are correct. I am very good at math. Will that help me in my career as a theater reviewer? Also does that career come with travel expenses?

This has been another entry in things I currently love but will soon forget about because I am very good at reviews but very bad at commitment.

Oh, hello

It wasn’t supposed to rain today. I’m not the only person who thought that. Not one person on the street had an umbrella. It didn’t just rain. It stormed. Runners were soaked. Commuters were miserable. I was in my car listening to Betty Who and getting nostalgic about my childhood.

(After I pulled into a parking lot and waited out the heaviest of the rain, duh.)

As I slowly made my way through traffic, I saw two girls on bikes and suddenly I wished I were on a bike. I used to love riding my bike in the rain, through puddles, watching the water rise on either side of me. I used to love walking barefoot in the rain, wading through warm puddles then feeling the asphalt hard under my feet.

I’m not afraid of storms, in theory. And if I’m safe at home and in for good, I love a good storm. I love the shape of lightning and the crack of thunder. I like the way the world looks electric against gray skies. When I was a kid, my mom would sit us outside to watch the storms. We’d run to the beach when one started, to see the lightning fight the waves. I loved being in a car and watching the windshield wipers throw drops from the glass. But now I sit in parking lots and worry I won’t get home. This fear of rain began in adulthood, as many things do. Things that were never scary to me as a child are now the most terrifying. Snow. Wind. Rain. Most of the elements, I guess. I am most myself near water as long as I don’t have to go in it. And even though I love the sun, I am terrified it will kill me.

And I guess it wasn’t so much the bike riding I was missing as just the general feeling of innocence. Not watching the news and anticipating the end of the world. There’s a possible big change coming at the day job and I miss the security of going to school every day. Even if I failed, I still had a place to go. I miss having someone to fix the things I can’t, helping figure out problems that seemed so huge and life changing.

I’m sure it’s different now. Innocence is lost through the use of social media. Google can fix or solve anything. I didn’t have the most stable home growing up, but there was still a sense of security in childhood. The ability to imagine yourself out of where you were, onto bigger and better things. That’s lost in adulthood. I can still imagine bigger and better things but they seem a lot farther away. The need to be responsible to ensure my survival casually ruins my daydreams.

Not really sure what my point is/was. Maybe coming to terms with the fact that I am now An Old. Missing innocence. Missing when the worst that could happen when I drove in rain was a skinned knee and not a head-on collision. When the big day-to-day changes were who your teachers would be and worrying about whether your friends would be in your classes.

I guess I miss when I used to WANT to be an adult because now I am one and it’s not what I thought it would be. It’s fine. Just different.

Now who wants to bike through some puddles?