The Events of my Weekend

This weekend I went to a costume party called Theater Bizarre: Year of the Goat with my friend Nicole. I call her my friend. Is she my friend? I don’t know. Are we friends? I think so. Anyway, it was a huge party in Detroit, Michigan, held at the Masonic Temple. It was eight floors of bands and performers and bars and people. So many people. So many people in costume. So many people barely in costume. I saw so many body parts. I took a lot of pictures, but no pictures of body parts because my online (and irl, let’s be honest) persona is PG. Maybe PG-13 if it’s a crazy day. The point is I saw some burlesque dancers who were amazing and it was not like the time my friend and I were trying to find something to do and I was like, “ooh, a cabaret show, let’s do that!” and it turned out to not be anything like the musical Cabaret, but was, in fact, a woman in her 60’s telling jokes that would have made your great-grandparents blush. She wore a long-sleeved sequined shirt and her hair was permed in the way that suggested she only had it set once a week. My friend and I were the only people there who were not senior citizens so we were used to vulgar jokes. We grew up with MTV.  The old people kept looking at us like we were being scandalized. It was a 21+ crowd, this cabaret show. This party was not like that. This party had nipple tassels and…piercings… Various…body…piercings. Did that guy know he wasn’t wearing anything under his skirt? He had to, right?

I dressed as a broken baby doll because I thought, “what would require me to purchase a dress I can also wear to work and what is the easiest make-up I can do on my own?” Nicole went as a clown even though she is very scared of clowns. I’m not scared of anything. Except water, fire, the apocalypse, murder, guns, dying alone, rubber bands, and balloons. But like nothing else.

While we were in line this guy who was dressed in black and painted black chased Nicole. She screamed. I laughed. I guess that’s just one of the many differences between us.

I saw a clown balance himself on top of a giant red ball and I saw a girl balance herself on top of two metal poles and then shoot a crossbow with her feet while blindfolded and I saw another clown play with fire while rolling around on roller skates and I danced (“danced”) to a brass band.

Other things we did that were not related to the party were go to a Bavarian village, which was much like the one I went to in Seattle except this one was not in the mountains, but both had so many candy shops and also we went vintage shopping and if you come to my house (don’t come to my house) I’ll show you my new prized possession, a 1970’s varsity sweater. Or I could just wear it, but I hate wearing prized possessions, what happens if they get ruined? Speaking of possession, we also watched the first three Scream movies, which are about people possessed by insanity, basically.

The flights to and from were fine, unexceptional, except for the guy on the way home was like, “hi, excuse me please, I don’t like to keep the armrest between us, I prefer to take up all of the space,” and I was like, “PLEASE, sir, I don’t need the armrest but I prefer to keep a buffer between myself and strangers and you seem very nice, but please back away.” I’m just kidding. I said none of that and leaned into the aisle. He also didn’t say any of that, it was just his actions. The flight home was also a little turbulent, which I hate. But other than that it was fine.


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