When I was a young child I was friends with the boy down the street who put ants down his pants. I don’t remember his name, but I vividly remember sitting on the sidewalk of our street with him and another girl, an older girl who took ballet classes and who tried to teach me to stand up without using my hands, a skill, I am pleased to report, I still have not mastered to this day. I would pass out grapes on the tiny plastic plates that came with my play picnic basket and then he would get up and walk to the “garden” (it was a city so, like, not a real garden, but that’s not actually super important) and he’d pull out the waistband of his shorts and he’d put ants down his pants, underwear and all, because he liked how it felt and he never let me see, so I guess for that at least I am grateful because just imagine how many more issues I would have.
I also have a vague memory of his mother leaning out the front door and yelling “don’t put any ants down your pants!” But I could have made that up. That might be adult-me putting some parental guidance into this situation because seriously, what must she have thought every night when he changed for bed or took a bath? Like, where are all these ants coming from, oh, right, I see now.
Not sure why I was thinking about this, must be the humidity, the scent of summer storms, the anthill I saw this weekend. Who even knows. The scent of dirt also takes me back to my early summers and my backyard and screaming because my dad tried to force me to put my face in water of my kiddie pool. I still don’t like to put my face in water. I’m afraid I’ll get too much water in my nose and drown. Like, just while standing in my bathroom. This was a really great fear to have while I worked at summer camp and I was like, “I’ll do anything but swim camp” and they were like, “We want to stretch you!” and they gave me THE swimming camp that summer and I, at age 20, had to tell 12-year-old campers that if they were on my team during races we would always lose because I couldn’t swim with my face in the water.
*This is not a One Direction tribute, I just wanted to see how many views I would get if I said that.