I think a real, honest moment-of-awakening for me in my life came when I was in junior high and reading some sort of unauthorized biography about the cast of 90210 (the original, because I’m old). I remember in a chapter about Shannen Doherty the actress was quoted as saying that she didn’t like her eyes because they were asymmetrical and I remember thinking, like, omg, even celebrities have insecurities! This moment was extremely important to me and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately because my eyes are also asymmetrical and seem to be going more so as I age, to the point where I’m sure that in about 15 years or so I may not even have a right eye. It may close up and be sucked into my face. This is a genuine concern. A thought that plagues me daily. And since sometimes my eye seems normal I think it’s probably swollen from allergies. But I still worry. Imagine waking up one day and your eye now looks like a belly button on your face! And I don’t like belly buttons. They freak me out. I have never gotten over the fear that mine will come untied and I will deflate. Imagine that but happening ON MY FACE.
These are just some things that I think about on a regular basis. Like, why is grass green and why is the sky blue and what happens if I deflate or my eye disappears and is my hair falling out and aren’t clouds like the weirdest things ever, how they just in the sky and don’t fall out but sometimes they release water? Like, that’s gotta get heavy and they just stay up there. Also planets and stars and the sun and the moon and science is really hard.
Sometimes stars explode, which is the opposite of deflate. The ones in the sky, not the ones who live in Hollywood. Although I guess you could argue what’s your definition of explode. Do you mean like literally or figuratively because that could change things. Once I read this article about a couple who died of contagious spontaneous combustion. All that was found of them were some ashes in two armchairs. It’s possible I made this up because I’ve never been able to find the article again but anything can happen. Especially in Florida.