Aliens and Musicals and a Confession About The Nutcracker

Today on Twitter I was talking about this Christmas pageant I was in when I was in elementary school. It was about an alien named CT who traveled the world in a hot air balloon and went to different countries/cultures to find the true meaning of Christmas. I played CT. I borrowed a gray wool fedora from my aunt and I wore my favorite flower short overalls and I may have worn purple tights and I can see the cast picture. I was front and center in my shorteralls (is that a word? Now it’s a word) and my hat and my hands were folded on my belly because I was so pleased with myself and I had huge pink, plastic frame glasses and a perm. I remember this. But every time I go to Google to find this play I wind up on scientology websites.

There is a play about an alien named Zorg, but that is not my play. That play is different. My name was CT and it stood for something and it is driving me INSANE. I may have made up the part about the hot air balloon. I just really like hot air balloons and I’m probably going to go in one this summer and my life just feels really complete and amazing right now.

This memory stemmed, probably, from my recent viewings of Little Shop of Horrors and Rocky Horror Picture Show, both musicals about things from outer space with the word horror in the title. My Christmas play, which we performed in my church, did not have the word horror in the title. I remember that much for sure. Also, if anyone knows how to write music I’m super into the idea of writing a musical about a creature from outer space. I’ve never written a musical, but I’m sure it can’t be hard. Writing is so easy! All writing! I can do anything!

I think I’m gonna go with this alien in a hot air balloon, though. So only contact me if you’re interested in writing about aliens on Earth in hot air balloons, but we can take out the Christmas part. No need to be seasonally specific. But each country will have a different style of music, so you have to be, like, SUPER talented. It will be like in The Nutcracker when Spain is sexy coffee and Russia is candy canes and there’s the guy in drag with children under his giant skirt, but ours will be better because The Nutcracker FREAKS ME OUT. There is a mouse with SIX HEADS. I watched the Macauley Culkin version this past Christmas and a four-year-old was like, “the mouse has six heads” and I was like, “ha ha, okay, you’re so silly!” but then the freaking mouse had six heads and children lived in a skirt and coffee was seductive. Okay. The coffee thing I sort of get, but the rest is a mess.

Anyway. I’m gonna eat some mini marshmallows and call it a night.

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